“Borderlands”
PG-13/Action/Sci-Fi/102 Mins
Directed by: Eli Roth
Written by: Eli Roth & Joe Crombie
Starring: Cate Blanchett (“Tár”), Kevin Hart (“Lift”), Jack Black (“The Super Mario Bros. Movie”), Ariana Greenblatt (“Barbie”), Jamie Lee Curtis (“Everything Everywhere All at Once”), Florian Munteanu (“Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings”) and Edgar Ramirez (“Emilia Pérez”)
Review: If you’re looking for a fun action adventure movie with a dysfunctional group of outlaws & underdogs banding together to stop the forces of evil using their unique set of skills and witty/charismatic banter… go see Bord- “Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves!” If you want that but set in space, in a galaxy filled with colorful and vibrant planets with unique alien creatures flashing across the screen, then I recommend… “Guardians of the Galaxy.” The point is, “Borderlands” is a lesser version of both of these films and a complete waste of your time.
“Borderlands” is the long awaited adaptation of the hugely popular video game series of the same name. It follows a group of misfits that band together to protect a young girl from an evil businessman who believes she is the key to finding a hidden vault locked away somewhere on the dangerous planet called “Pandora.” Directed by Eli Roth (with uncredited reshoots by Tim Miller), they bring audiences a cinematic cliche-ridden, groan-inducing mishmash of loud gunfights and eye rolling “humor”. It’s a movie that feels like it escaped from the 2000s.
The performances of all the actors felt like underdeveloped caricatures of the characters from the original games. The only performance I felt is worthy of praise was from the always great, Cate Blanchett. No matter what was on the page, I felt that she brought a pretty good performance to the no-nonsense, badass character of Lilith. Kevin Hart portrays Roland a.k.a. just Kevin Hart who wears a beret and has a gun. Florian Munteanu plays Krieg, the masked “Psycho”who looks awesome and very accurate to the game. His character kind of gave off Bane-vibes, not Tom Hardy, more like Bane from 1997’s “Batman & Robin.” Edgar Ramírez played a bad guy that was there in the beginning and then towards the end whose only purpose was to be an obstacle for the good guys. Lastly, Jack Black did the voice of the robot named “Claptrap” whose every line made my audience groan and wince with cringe.
The biggest issue I had with the film was the horrendous screenplay. Written by Roth and Joe Crombie (insiders say that is a pseudonym for Craig Mazin who took his name off the film last year), the dialogue spoken feels like it was written by AI or you heard it overused in other films. Expect dialogue along the lines of “He’s right behind me isn’t he?”, “You better hold onto something!” or “That sounded much better in my head…”
The humor just fell flat with not an ounce of heart or emotion felt throughout the entire film. It’s a shame, I heard reports that when Craig Mazin’s (the creator of the acclaimed television adaptation of another video game series, “The Last of Us”) name was officially attached as the screenwriter of this film, it was said to be a great script and insiders are perplexed as to how it was shaped into what ended up on screen. It might have to do with the reshoots which took place over a year after principal photography took place in 2021.
Except for one particular sequence, I couldn’t really tell what was from the original production or the reshoots. Yet, you could not help but feel the unevenness of each set piece that felt poorly put together trudging the story along from point A to point B. Another aspect of the film that was hard not to notice was the spotty visual effects. Some sequences looked pretty decent with detailed CGI monsters and shiny spaceships. Other sequences had the actors in front of an obvious green screen with flat CGI environments in the background. However, I will give praise to a particular shootout action sequence set to Motörhead’s “Ace of Spades”, as it was the only scene where I sat up in my seat.
If you’re craving a movie with mind blowing action and laugh out loud humor, you’re not going to find it here. There are other films that follow a similar formula where you’ll have a much more fulfilling experience. Better yet, you can start up your PS5 and purchase the Borderlands videogames that are currently on sale at the PlayStation store. Now that sounds like a more fun time…
Score: 2.5/10
